Mum’s Sayings

My brother and I started compiling this list of her sayings and it’s definitely not complete.

Just reading them today brings her back. 

My god she was a complicated creature; truth bending, vulnerable, stubborn, hilarious, generous, manipulative, irreverent and sometimes (often) downright cruel.

I mean she never stopped calling called my brother Tom ‘Tossalot’ to which we would all reply in chorus ‘Tom’ll do’

She called my dad Peter ´Piddle’ or ´Pidle’  and her mum ´FF’ (fat fing) and my sister ´PP’ (plump person)

I was always ´Baby Lizzie’ 

She did this as an intelligent woman who had studied Freud in depth and worked as a therapist.

The contradictions were endless…

She taught griefwork to women in Holloway prison, some of whom had actually killed the person they were grieving for, yet on Christmas Day, less than six months after my father died, she proposed a toast ‘To absent friends’

She drove me crazy

In later years, when she was a frail old lady and I a middle aged woman, however much I thought I could handle a week with her, without fail, I still wound up, speechless, lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling with tears rolling into my ears. 

Her twisted behaviour quite literally floored me

She was deeply affected by being sent to boarding school as a very young child and in the 1960’s she underwent electric shock treatment for a depression that would hound her all her days.

But she also adored children and babies with a passion, cooked up a storm

of Italian deliciousness in the kitchen whilst listening to radio 4, she was a snob who made friends with the local roadsweepers and helped out prostitutes, she could place a flower in a vase like a 

Zen master.

I remember her going off in her 60´s to visit her friend in New Mexico and when she came back she told me that they had taken their tops off and walked across the desert bare chested.

This from a woman who ´doesn’t do hugs’ 

Once she came to visit me in Hampshire when I was studying to be a midwife, it was freakishly hot and we found a stream and sat with our feet in it and watched the dragonflies.

She later said that that was the one of the most magical days of her life.

Today I am going to watch this incredible film Nora Meyer made as she bravely followed my mum around with a camera all the way from Camden Town to Argentina. (Link in comments)

Here’s a little glimpse of her language, a very unique blend of boarding school slang, Italian phrases, literary and biblical references, our baby talk immortalized and some just plain old vulgarity:

All by my little yelf  - All by myself

And how! - Very much so!

As per - As per ususal

Ay mia Nervi! - My nerves!

Basta-desso - Enough

Bedtime/bathtime for babies - Time for bed/bath

Be fair Ronnie, be fair! - Be fair!

Big Ers (& Little Ers) - Poos (& Wees)

Bit bit moving - Moving

Bit bit saddings - Sad

Bugger me gently! - Blow me down!

Bumblewank - Bumblebee health food shop in Tufnell Park

Cat-cats - Glasses

Cheer up Charlie, (I not Charlie, I Tom) - Cheer up.

Chig - Friendly

Ciff Caff Coff - Coffee

Cited-pited - Excited

Course you can, Cath! - Have some, of course.

Covey-povey - Cosy

Daubo  - Gyles (her brother Gyles Daubeny Brandreth)

Decaphhh  - Decaf coffee

Ess Pess De-boutay - Sarah

F the FT - Funny the First Time

Frisbee Frightener - Lizzie

Giddy limit - The absolute limit

Gild the Lil - Over-egging the pudding

Gins Wins Pins - Auntie Ginny- her sister

Glory alleluia  - Blimey!

God’s natural light - Light from the window )said whilst opening curtains)

Gotcha - A very small glass of red wine 

Grant me patience darling Lord! (thou knowest thy servant tries… - Give me strength!

Harry Divers - Delicious food

Hells Teeth! - Blimey!

Hot it up - add some hot water to the cold tea

Is oo a booful anna dorjus?  Ess oo is! - Are you beautiful and gorgeous? Yes you are!

Kindred - Kind

Library shop - The library

Lizzie Rose’s bowels - Bowls from Lizzie Rose 

Mange poure - Eat up!

Non fare la stupida - Don’t be Stupid

Not feeling very how - Feeling low 

Num-nums - Food

On the ‘h’ - A bit wonky

Oi yoy yoy! - Ouch!

Piff as they say poff! - It’s very hot!

Poggy - Smelly

Punct - Full stop

Rory -  Water

Rosie do do - I’ll do it

Sainsbuggers - Sainsbury’s

Siediti Ju  - Sit down

Shuh ruh’ - Short rest (siesta)

Smarts the Quicks the - Quick-smart

Stand not on the order of your going, but go! - Get a move on!

Tired Mouse - Tired

Teeth will be provided  - False teeth, said whilst putting them back in

Toddle - Walk

Tossalot  - Tom

Tom’s wobbly - Tom’s stool

Vengo! - Coming!

What could this be? Since I know not a man… - Said on opening Xmas presents

The Wol - Owl bookshop

Zausted and a Pausted - Exhaustedam sitting in the bath now as I write this

Squeaky-clean and supersmooth

Surrounded by skin and bones

A rare cafe con leche

Too late in the day

Kept me up all night

flat on my back 

In the dark

Listening to cockerels crow

And that faraway donkey

My ears full of tears

I miss you mum

I miss you knowing the whereabouts 

of even my most hidden moles and scars

The last of the cremated remains of the late 

Jennifer Hope Woolfenden

are sat beside my bed 

in a little plastic urn 

inside a little white cardboard box

A Christmas gift from my brother

Once the kids are out,

I thought

I will eat some of your ashes

I thought

I’ll run a hot bath, 

I will eat some of their grandmothers ashes

And I will cry, yes

That's what I’ll do

A homeopathic dose of you

Will sort this grief out

At last they leave

I am in the bathroom

I take some of you in my mouth 

And its gritty of course

And then it all

Makes perfect sense

A body scrub for the bereaved

I am sitting in the bath now as i write this

Squeaky clean and supersmooth

Surrounded by my skin and your bones.

Yesterday,  Mum when

I was busy holding your hand and

Praying in time with your see saw breath 

you pinched me, so hard

It took my breath away mum you

Made me cry and like always I

was not sure whether you

were even aware

We sang to you Mum

One for the road

The 3 of us in 3 part harmony

A hysterical final

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

It felt like Christmas except

We weren’t looking for your glasses

your cigarettes or your teeth

Your death was like a birth Mum

A two day labour

But now instead of 2 people there are none

And now I’m finally motherless It's a fact Mum

not just a sometimes feeling

Since you died Mum

I’ve been mainly walking

up and down Kentish Town Road sighing

I never knew about real sighs

How they are involuntary but

Since you died

Without warning, I am sighed in Kentish Town, in CostCutters 

and in Gail’s bakery Mum

And in my purse Mum

euros mix with pound coins

it would be such a simple act to separate them - but I don’t

Fumbling and sobbing at the till every time Mum, My ears 

still ringing with your last breaths

And back at your house Mum

I flout all the rules,

The dishes don’t get done before bed and

I don’t put a mat under

My plate at the table

The television is off

The radio is off and

I’m lying on the living room floor Mum

Outside of any obligations

Looking at your chair leg as it gets dark

Listening to your phone ring and your voice

as the answerphone kicks in

I'm trying not to move as it hurts in every direction Mum

I am marinated in pain.